I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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