well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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