Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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