well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
