You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
