OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
