i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
