I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
