her vagine was all disorganized.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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