so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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