if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
