Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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