Whod you bang
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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