plz talk dirty to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
