You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
