I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize