Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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