she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
