so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
