a queef is a wish your heart makes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize