I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to align my fucking chakras
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
