hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
