Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
