matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
