omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
