I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
