Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Operation Purity has been aborted
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
