I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
