You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
