I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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