He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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