The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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