he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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