Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
