And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
