you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
