it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
