I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
