this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize