Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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