So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
