I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
