There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
