what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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