Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
