i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
