dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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