i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
