I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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