someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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