he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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