is your mom at the bar?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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