im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
