I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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