I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pants are for mortals
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize