I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
