Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
