Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Say something about gay babies.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
