I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
