this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
