shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
