I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
