You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
