I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
