he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
