Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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