Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
