The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
