The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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