Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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