it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
