His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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