She just used a chaser for red wine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
3pm strippers are depressing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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