My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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