I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
